Question: Dear Luise: my mom passes away this last may 23, se fought with cancer for 6 long months, coming in and out of the hospital, every day i could tell se looked alittle bit more … tired… or maybe sad, I`m not sure, but she changed over the time, the last week was the worst, she couldn´t wake up, she just had no more energy, i could tell she was hungry, i was with her as much as i could, but she couldn´t eat anything, she was like that for… i guess… 5 or 6 days until, she just stoped breathing. I feel so angry at myself, at everyone, she sufffered an horrible and painfull death, and we did nothing, I know we couldn´t anyway, but there isn´t a single day when I don´t think of her, usually I picture her with a smile on her face, but everytime I end up picturing her in her deathbed, suffering, struggling to breathe, I just don´t know how to go on like this. A.
Answer: Dear A.: My husband passed in February and I know exactly what you are talking about. I was there…holding his hand and singing to him over the sound of his labored breathing when his life ended. You and I will probably always wish we had done more. We are human and fallible but/and there is no way we could hold time back. I am going on because I can’t go back…neither of us can. We were loved. That’s what I hang onto…that and the fact that I loved back. I know those we lost went on when they lost a loved one and now it’s our turn. I am continuing to love my husband’s memory. I have put out a lot of pictures from years ago that showed the quality of his life and I’m honoring what a good job he did of that. I think my grief is something he would never have wanted to consume me…so I am looking back on the joy, more and more. Blessings, Luise