Question: Dear Luise: My dear Mom was shot to death in her head, for her car!! She was 81 yrs old and she meant a lot to me. I can’t stop thinking about how scared she must have been when she saw the gun and was running away from him. There are days that I am sure that I am nuts. Then there are days that are just OK…but I feel so lost and robbed. Can you help me? C.
Answer: Dear C.: What a horrible shock and what a terrible waste. Your mom was my age and certainly deserved a more gentle transition than that. Everyone does.
Death is the ultimate mystery. We all know we are going to have to face it and yet most of us have no idea what “it” is. When violence takes a person so quickly there is no chance for anyone to prepare, so shock and anger are factored in on top of grief. Yet, when someone has a long, miserable, terminal illness…they usually pray to be able to die and often their loved ones ask for the same thing. There just isn’t an easy way to leave what we know and those we love…and have it be OK for everyone concerned, whether it is part of the master plan or not.
I read a book back in the early 1980s that was titled “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold S. Kushner. I see that it was updated in 2004, according to Amazon. I have no idea if it might bring you any comfort. It did me.
Death in the natural course of events is hard enough to face…but the deliberate, useless death of someone who accidentally got in the way of what someone else wanted is beyond comprehension. I would look into counseling, if I had to deal with what you’re up against and a support group, as well. Blessings, Luise