Question: Dear Luise: I’m very interested in a man who is of a different race. His background is also very different than mine. We have both been married before. He is childless and I have two grown children. We are being cautioned by almost everyone we know that we are not being wise to consider marriage. I want to just ignore their advice and so does he, but I’d like to hear yours. In appreciation, Maude
Answer: Dear Maude: You are stacking the deck. The stats on the number of marriages that fail, without having any of the hurdles you have to jump, get worse and worse. This is Russian roulette…wanna play? If so, you’d better put a marriage counselor on retainer. (I’m only half-kidding.)
The only way you will know if it is going to work or not is to do it. The future is always blind-man’s-bluff with hindsight being your only measure of success.
You may be the exceptional couple that thrives on a challenge and fools everyone near and dear. Since you are mature adults, see if you can talk over the pros and cons as realistically as possible. What are your assets? What are your goals? What are your fears? Dig in and see what you come up with.
If you are in lust, you probably don’t have much of a chance. It’s just not enough to get you past the red flags and pit falls that such diversity will doubtless bring to the surface. If you are in love, and think there is some real depth and staying power to it, decide together if you want to try to beat the odds.
How strong is your combined sense of humor? That’s often a huge asset. A light heart and some downright silly times can often put a different spin on diverse perceptions. How brave and resilient are you? Can you laugh at your self? How about him?
Even if you do decide to go for it and both of you see it as the adventure to end all adventures, it won’t always feel like that. It will sometimes feel like a trial and sometimes it might even feel like a miracle. It’s my bet that you will have to breath life into it over and over again. Can you? Do you want to?
Bottom line, listen to your friends and family and then do as you please. Blessings, Luise