Question: Dear Luise: I have a 13 year old son that moved to his fathers last April. His father and I have been divroced since 2002. His father has basically been gone his whole life-he is active duty Army. In Texas you can request to go live with the parent of your choice. They sprung it on me last March and not even a month later there was an Emergency hearing for temporary custody. He moved May 1 2012. Since then I have seen my son 7 or 8 times. His father alows him to determine when, where, what time and how long he wants to stay. I haven’t had my son more then 48 hours since he has moved. They schedule things everyone on my weekends. They left during my Christmas and noone even bothers to ask me. They have scheduled football camps the whole summer. No one tells me when his games are. He had a major awards ceremony last week and noone even told me. He was in the paper and I only knew because the pictures were posted on Facebook.He won’t answer my texts even though I only text him once during the week. No one will answer my calls. The times I do get to talk to him he is rude. If I even raise my voice his dad takes the phone away from him or calls me and lectures me. My son and I had a great relationship before he left. Honestly. And now I just don’t understand how he can treat me this way. I have two other children at home who miss him terribly. I am doing better but every time I turn around it’s something else. Some people say keep on keeping on and others say just leave him alone for awhile. I just want to see my baby. We spent close to $8,000 for court last year. We just don’t have the money to go back for enforcement. The last time I went to pick him up his father came outside and told me he wouldn’t make Gavin come if he didn’t want to. He says Gavin is not comfortable at my house. Gavin tells me that he has never said that. Mutual friends of ours have told me that they bash me together and seem to bond over it. I’m tired of being sad. I hope that what I taught him shines through and one day I’ll be able to hold him. K.
Answer: Dear K.: My take is that you have given it your best and them some and all that’s left is to do your best to accept the unacceptable. That’s not encouraging, I know. The only other thing I can offer is my Web-forum that is for women with issues of this kind. It’s a very caring and supportive community. We are at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise