Question: Dear Luise:  kept my parents home where they died a few years ago.  This was very traumatic for me and for my child who basically failed in school due to this and the turmoil of my marriage to an abusive alcoholic at the same time. My daughter became completely dysfunctional and recently I made her move in permanently with her Aunt.  We have a severe rift between us where my daughter hates me and says I was no mother and is trying her best to crucify me and blame me for all of her problems, including the trauma of her grandparents care and deaths and the broken bones I suffered at the hands of my abusive husband.  My divorce is final and my daughter is gone, really gone, and I am so bereft and feel I have lost everything and everyone I ever loved in my life.  How can I begin to deal with this? V.

Answer: Dear V.: All I know to offer when the past can’t be fixed is to fix or at least improve the present. Your husband is gone and that’s a relief from what you have written. Your parents are gone after what sounds like a long and difficult parting. Your daughter, too, is gone out of what appears to be necessity.

I’d suggest that you give some thought to what you like. Don’t let yourself get stuck in self-pity no matter how justified; it will take you down. What once made your heart sing? What haven’t you looked into that once attracted you? Sometimes our hopes and dreams get trampled and we forget. Blessings, Luise

One Response to Loss

  1. S. January 19, 2013 at 11:19 am #

    We need to cope with the struggle’s of family stresses! We need to communicate and learn problem solving skills. I say find a counselor to find the positive, and not focusing on the negative dispair. Setting boundaries is a good thing. You need to heal first and not hang on to guilt, shame, or worthlessness. Focus on the present rather than analyzing yesterday. Find a good church to go to because it can help with healing and a good support group. S.

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