Question: I was married 20 yrs when my husband lost his job then didny wanna work as it turned out. Didn’t really try much to look and lied about looking etc. We seperated while and I became involved with someone else. My husband and I divorced a yr later. Shorty after I really started missing my ex, and things wehad in common. My ex and I get along and now I don’t know why I can’t decide to put us back together. Or keep moving forward. G.
Answer: Dear G.: I think sometimes when we sit on the fence, weighing pros and cons, it’s because we want a guarantee. And of course we are never going to get one. Some people remarry because they find a lot of comfort in the predictable…even when it isn’t supportive. It doesn’t sound to me like you are doing that. You have moved on to another relationship and are finding that it just doesn’t have the “roots” that your marriage of two decades does. That’s understandable, isn’t it?
Your husband is a human being and he acted in a less than an exemplary way when he lost his job. So what? It’s water under the bridge. We all have limitations and imperfections and don’t know, really, how we would handle the issues of others if they happened to us. We have enough difficulty handling our own. And if we’re honest, we don’t always do that good a job.
These answers are always just my take, of course, but it seems to me like both of you could have learned a lot through this experience. I’d open my arms and heart and take my guy back. Blessings, Luise