Question: I am 20 years old and am with my partner 22 for 3 years now also we have a child together. When we started out sex was fine but since the birth of our child we don’t have sex. He says it’s me. Maybe it is. When we have sex I just get bored or can’t be bothered…but yet when I think about sex with other people, I’m interested. We have tried new things to make it exciting it but doesn’t help and I need sex in my life. N.
Answer: Dear N.: Good for you for looking closely at what’s going on with you and your guy and wanting to address it.
Talk with your doctor first to be sure your hormones aren’t out of whack or there isn’t some other underlying cause that needs attention..
Beyond that what is needed is serious counseling. You may be able to find one that specializes in sexual issues but if not, almost all counselors work with the kind of issues you are facing. Ask our doctor for a recommendation.
The cause of your difficulty may lie with you or your partner but most often it’s a combination. If at all possible, you would get the best results if you sought help together. However, don’t give up if you have to go alone. Your part of it needs to be untangled. I
Sometimes there is an unconscious mind-set that sexual expression is only interesting when it is new and exciting. There can also the belief that one partner or the other is totally responsible to keep it that way. Once the novelty wears off, a what’s-the-point attitude can surface but there’s always a reason for that. Distorted concepts and expectations can clash with reality…sometimes from an overdose of reading unrealistic romance novels or viewing porn. Fatigue can be a factor. The list is endless and to make it even more difficult, sometimes the cause is unconscious and not easily accessed.
Talk about it and see if you can commit to working it through. You are both young and have started a family, better days are ahead if you are willing to do the work. Blessings, Luise