I’ve Lost My Son

Question: Dear Luise: Where do I begin. I will try to condence this as best I can. But fair warning I am like seriously ocd with details. So here goes, I am a mother of 3 adult sons,24yrs,22yrs,and 19yrs. I started young, having my first son at 16 years of age. It wasn’t easy, but with the help of my parents my boys never needed for anything. Also as luck would have it, I met the love of my life at 19 ( my 3rd sons father, the first 2 were by my h.s. sweetheart) we married and are still going strong after 20 years. He had just joined the Army when we met, and we are still a military family today. My husband was and still is an amazing father to our boys we were very lucky to have had him come into our lives.I have always tried to be the best mother I could. I am only human though and I make mistakes. My relationship with my oldest son was almost always rocky. We are so much alike we butt heads a lot. But with age he and I have become much closer and he as most children do grow up and realize as parents you were not perfect after all and deserve some slack. My 2nd son has down syndrome and he was and always will be my biggest fan. He only looks at this world with love in his heart. God blessed me the day he gave him to me, no doubt about that. Now we come to my 3rd son. Who always had both his mom and dad together, grew up in a comfortable environment surrounded by loved ones and a stay at home mom that always made sure that I and his brothers (dad was gone a lot, thats the Army) were at his sports events, music recitals, parent teacher meetings, a shoulder to cry on, doctors at the sign of a sniffle. I could go on and on. We were close told each other everything. I always told my boys, no matter what I will always love you, and you can tell me anything and we’ll work through it. I meant it and I know they knew it. I have been a very overprotective mom. But learned over the years to loosen the reigns so not to smother them that when they did leave home they’d still want to come back to see us. I messed up along the way, I won’t lie or make excuses. I went from being a supermom to a horrible excuse for a human being. I became addicted to painkillers after using them for years due to a chronic condition that required strong narcotics. After my condition got better i continued using them, and I’ll be honest. It almost ruined my family and my life for good. But with the unrelentless support of God and my wonderful husband I am now 7 years and 8 months sober, and going strong. I took my youngest to therapy (my other sons did not want any) he and I had always been so close and I wanted to do all I could to repair any and all  damage I could. It seemed to be working and he expressed to me that he’d forgiven me long ago and that he was just glad to have his mom healthy and happy again. I felt so unbelievably blessed. So when a few months back 5 months to be exact, I found out he was writing horrible things about me on twitter of all things.horrible things no son should ever say about their own mom. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut, like my whole world had been turned upside down. He then moved out abruptly with his girlfriend and her family and cut off all communication, just like that. I still am not sure what happened. I thought it might be drugs, but after some investigating found out he smokes marijauna occasionally but nothing like meth or such. I don’t like that he has done this but he is an adult and all I can do is warn him of the damage it will do and pray he wises up. It does still not explained what happened? What did I do to make hime hate me so much? I need any insight you might have to help me try to fix this. I love my children more than life itself. I need to make things right, to find out what can be done from here? I’m sorry this is so long. I just wanted you to have all the information. So you can possibly shed some light on what to do now. I pray everynight that God keeps him safe. I go on twitter to keep up on his well being. Please help me repair our broken relationship. Thank you for listening and God bless. Hope to here from you soon, H.

Answer: Dear H.: What you are describing is expressed so frequently on my site that I created a separate Web-forum for women trying to deal with it. It’s too complex to address in a question and answer format and, although I will respond to you when you come over to my forum, you will also have the benefit of interacting with and receiving the support of many other women who are facing very similar issues. I’ve been through it, too. Blessings, Luise


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