Question: Dear Luise: I have read several of your posts to others. I have 2 boys 20 and 17 both are wonderful. Past 4 yrs have been trying since my mother’s death. Boys were very argumentive with each other beyond reasoning and I began to drink so much and there father was impatient and abusive mentally and physically at the end before a divorce happened. After 2 yrs I began to see a person and the boys rejected overwhelmly. The drinking became more and more. Now the relationship between boys and I is very distant. I have apologized over and over, tried to talk with them both and no more drinking, it stopped and no other person in my life. I only remember the words of my youngest and it brings tears to me everyday and I can’t stop the pain in my heart for what I have said and done to them in the past. I regret everything that has hurt them and I and would change or erase it if I could. I have expressed how sorry I am and ask for their forgiveness. There is no response from either one of them and that hurts me more and more every day. What can I do to correct this terrible situation that I have created and caused them??? I have suggested counciling and they both refuse it. R.
Answer: Dear R.: I am asking women who are dealing with issues with adult children and extended families to come over to my Web-forum. A supportive community, where I am still very active, seems to be more effective than a single answer. It can take time. I am at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com . Blessings, Luise