Question: Dear Luise: This is about one of my college friends, whom I had a kind of relationship with, but we never expressed our feelings to each other at that time. Around a month back, he met me in one of the networking sites after 15 years. We parted bitterly as some misunderstanding erupted. Now, when I met him, initially he apologized, then said how desperately he was searching for me all these years. He even claims that he keeps thinking about me nowadays. He misses me a lot and I mean a lot to him. He could never find another FRIEND like me and that I am very special to his heart. He says he loves me as a TRUE FRIEND and truly cares about me. We both are happily married now, but he doesn’t seem to be bit jealous of my husband. He doesn’t like to talk about our other common friends or his wife or child, all he wants to say is how important I was in his life. IS HE IN LOVE WITH ME or ITS JUST A FRIENDSHIP. B.
Answer: Dear B. My guess is that he is using to words true friendship because he thinks he can get away with that. It just doesn’t ring true to me and I don’t think it does with you, either. I think he is using words that he thinks will “sell.” I would close the door immediately, if I were you. Do you think his wife would support him having you for his “true friend?” (He doesn’t even want to talk about her, right?)
I would suggest you not get hooked on what’s going on with him or what it means. Whatever his feelings are, I wouldn’t trust them or him. Most of us don’t have true (as in best) friends of the opposite sex. The reason being such closeness doesn’t usually work with adults who are sexually active. Yes, we have friends, favorite relatives, acquaintances and co-workers of the opposite sex but the kind of importance this guy is suggesting (like searching for you for years) isn’t something I would get mixed up with.
I feel you would be wise to protect your marriage by being best friends with people you are more comfortable with and I bet none of them are guys. Blessings, Luise