Is This Emotional Blackmail

Question: Dear Luise: I fear that I am being exploited by my son, but I don’t knowhow to stop it.  He calls me several times a week with some financial crisis or another and I find myself forking over most if not all of my money to bail him out.  Usually, if I don’t, his kids (my grandchildren) will have to go hungry or be homeless or have some other tragedy befall them.  I currently let him use my car to get to and from work and I use the bus because his jobsite is not on the bus line, and he needs his job to support his family.  He makes 40,000 a year, nets more than I do.  I don’t know how to refuse him without causing the little ones undue suffering. C.

Answer: Dear C.: I am going to suggest that you bring your issue over to my women’s Website, www.WiseWomenUnite.com where you will get multiple perspectives on what is going with your son. Certainly it is exploitation and your son has you right where he wants you. It’s also called abuse. And he is holding the well being of your grandchildren over your head as a threat. My guess is that he has no intention of stopping it. It’s working very effectively. In addition, he has placed you in the position of being a role model for them to learn what the lack of self-respect and self worth looks like. You deserve so much better but you are the only one who can give it to yourself. You are choosing not to for obvious reasons and I can understand that but there is no way that I know of to have it both ways. Blessings, Luise

 

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