Question: Dear Luise: My son is 26 and told me yesterday he hates me cause I couldn’t loan him money. he said its my fault he is broke cause of the way he was raised. i left there absive father when he was 6 and remarried to when he was 9 to a man that turned out to be just as bad. Only stayed with him 2 1/2 years. the then when he was 13 i met a wonderful man. I didn’t want to marry until my 2 children graduated so we dated almost 10 years. I told him 2 years in advance that we would be getting married. he was all in agreement until the day come. Now he says I abanded him and he has no home to go to. he ask me for money all the time and if I don’t give it to him he talks to me like a dog. Is it really my fault for the unstable upbringing. ( i would like to add i worked 2 job his whole life so he would have what the other kids had. S.
Answer: Dear S.: No, it not your fault and you do not need to take your son’s abuse, that’s what it is, you know. No one comes from a perfect home because we are all human and life can be very difficult. We do the best we can in raising our families while still growing up ourselves. You deserve so much better.
You set yourself and your happiness on the back burner for so long that your son thinks he is still you dependent child and in charge. Not so. Let him know that you wish him well…and love him, but you do not love or respect what he’s become. And that is about him, not you. Then enjoy the rest of your life. You were whole person before you became a mother and you can be whole again. Pick up your self-respect and self- esteem…dust yourself off and have a great life! If you feel you need support in doing that, come on over to my Web-forum for women with issues with adult children and extended families at www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise