Question: Dear Luise: I am 30 with 4 kids and am dating a 39 year old guy with 2 kids that live in another state. We have been together for 2 1/2 months. It started off fast then we decided to take it slower. We have broken up twice for a week at a time. The last time he told me he was talking to other girls online and not being honest that he had a girlfriend. He came back a week later saying I had 100% of him. We now only see each other on the weekends. But he would call every night and morning. The past week he hasn’t been calling unless it’s been after 10:30 pm. and if I try and call he won’t answer. He has many girls that he keeps adding to his myspace but refuses to change his status from single and won’t allow me to post any comments. Other women can and he will post on theirs. I did receive one on Easter that said exactly what the other girls said. He won’t tell his family that he’s dating me even though he introduced me the first week we were together. And then I found that one of the girls on myspace he talked to on the phone for 2 hours. He then lied and said he fell asleep. I confronted him on this and he made it seem like it was my fault for not trusting him. I told him I don’t care if he talks to girls as long as they know he’s with me. I am 1 month pregnant and having a difficult time. I don’t need extra stress and he tells me my worries are just hormones. My friends and family say he’s up to something. I need to know if I should call it quits or just trust him. Amber
Answer: Dear Amber: It’s hard, isn’t it, to not believe it when someone says what we want to hear. We really want it to be true. It’s music to our ears and fits in beautifully with our hopes and dreams. Sometimes, however, that’s the only reason they say it.
Look at this guy’s track record with you. All you have is two and a half months of stress and chaos…breakups and confusion. And you also have a pregnancy, if I understand you correctly.
The ball is in your court. Do you want more of the same for the rest of your life? At the beginning of a relationship, most of us are on our good behavior…trying to impress the other person and making every attempt to make it work. What is he doing? He’s playing the field and having a high old time, isn’t he? Of course he is!
If you are one of those people who like to be emotionally beat up and lied to, and who wants to dream on no matter what your reality is, have at it. But if you have some self-respect and personal goals that involve being a mature and responsible adult and parent, cut and run. The guy is BAD NEWS! What you want him to be and what he is are not even remotely connected. Your friends and family are right.
Can you get some counseling or an advocate to help you with your options at this time? Practical support and a fresh perspective can make a big difference when you feel alone with an issue and when working through alone it seems nearly impossible. Blessings, Luise