Question: I have been married for 3-1/2 years but my spouse and I are living as roommates. We have discussed divorce and seperation but he refuses to move out of the home that I owned prior to marriage. I have decided to stop putting my life on hold and recently started dating. I met a wonderful God fearing man. I told him my situation and he still wanted to get to know me. We became very close and one day he said that he felt guilty because my spouse still lives in the home and could no longer continue the relationship. I informed my spouse that he really needs to move and he agreed and set a date for 2 months later. I informed my new guy and we got back together. During this time, my spouse found out that I had moved on and contacted my new guy by telephone. My spouse told my new guy that we were considering working things out and a lot of negative things about me. I was in the background defending myself. To make a long story short, my new guy says that he care for me a lot but can not continue our relationship until my divorce is final (6 months). He later said that we can resume a friendship once my spouse moves out (approx 2 weeks). In the meantime, I am going bananas without my new guy. He says that he does not feel comfortable talking me me while my spouse is still in my home (because of his religion). I don’t know what to do. I am going through a stressful time right now and my new guy is not there for me. I miss him so very much. Is he even the one for me??? I feel that he knew the truth from the beginning and he should hang in there with me until we can completely be together. I understand where he is coming from but I am also confused. Will he ever trust me?? I am totally in love with this man! D.
Answer: Dear D.: You need to accept that you didn’t end your relationship. Your husband was dragging his feet, so it was up to you to see a lawyer and get the ball rolling. It was also up to you to put off moving on until you had handled that.
Your husband isn’t to blame for this and neither is the new guy. You need to stand alone without either one of them, make your own decisions and carry them out.
You told the new guy the truth and got tangled up anyhow. He has had enough. See how it all shakes out. Then you can start over again with a clean slate with or without him. Blessing, Luise