Question: Dear Luise: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 7 months and things have always been difficult for us. He’s a commander in the air force auxiliary and he has to be away for a few days at a time. I know it shouldn’t bother me because he’s devoted to it and he likes it a lot. But lately I find myself not feeling as passionate toward him and when we talk he says I always have an attitude. I’m just afraid that he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does and I’m scared that he’s cheating on me. Is it my fault that the relationship is taking a turn for the worse? I wish I knew what to do. Thank you for your time. S.
Answer: Dear S. One of the most common causes of relationship failure is the fear that it is going to fail. It’s a kind of self-fulfilling-prophesy. When one person gets an attack of the “what ifs”, it affects the flow of love.
The problem is often insecurity. That’s inside you, not in the relationship, but you bring it into reality. Truth be told, you never know what’s going to happen. Trust is just a way to feel comfortable. The only way you can know that a person is totally trustworthy is to look back after a long, long relationship and marvel that you made it. Even then, if you are basically insecure, you might wonder if you missed something.
Passion can’t thrive in suspicion and insecurity. How could it? Joyfulness in the present, one day at a time…(for however long), supports spontaneous, loving expression.
Focus trust on yourself. That works. Trust yourself to be grateful for love, and for that matter, for life. Trust yourself to select a wonderful partner and trust yourself to enjoy every moment of it…for however long it lasts. Trust yourself to give it your best and trust yourself to know that you can’t do it perfectly and he can’t, either. Be in the miracle of love and let it be however it is.
When the “what-if-monster” raises his ugly head, send him mentally, (in your imagination), to a Monster Party to have a good time with others like him. When you do, you will lighten up and your guy will see the difference. Blessings, Luise