Question: Dear Luise: Please help me. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. He was really good to me but that has changed. He says the meanest things. One day I’m his soul mate, the next day he wants me gone. His anger is destroying me and my love for him. He acts like he wants to be alone or with his friends. He works hard and I understand this but he is so cruel. He rolls his eyes when I ask for a kiss and shows no interest in me. I’m suffering inside. T.
Answer: Dear T.: It looks to me like your guy doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you any longer, He is obviously conflicted about ending it because you say he sometimes still refers to the Soul Mate thing. All of that “on again off again” stuff is about him, not you.
Another word for meanness is abuse. What you decide to do about being abused is about you, because the only person who can stop it is you. Not by getting him to change but by finding some other way to live your life. Being a target of someone else’s rage is not much of an existence and that’s what’s causing your suffering.
Move on. He’s no longer the person you hooked up with. All you’ve got is “how it used t be.” You would never pick this guy! Blessings, Luise