Question: Dear Luise: Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year. Were both 21 and still live with our parents because we’re in college. His parents are pretty strict, they control mostly everything in his life. His whole family pretty much likes me..except his stupid mom! For example, this past Friday it snowed the TINIEST bit and she was yelling at him saying “Why can’t you wait until tommorrow to see her?? there’s no point in driving its dangerous!” Then another one is next week his uncle is coming over for my boyfriends BIRTHDAY weekend and my boyfriend asked and she said yeswhen I was there but then he calls me this morning and tells me she said “NO SHE CAN’T COME IT’S FAMILY TIME NOT GIRLFRIEND TIME” and he told her it’s HIS birthday weekend and she said she doesn’t care. She’s just trying to keep me away! I was ALWAYS invited to everything!! Thanksgiving, birthday parties, even CHRISTMAS SHE personally invited me to come over in the morning to open gifts. I felt like soo much part of the family until 1 day I said ONE stupid thing, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone and I told him to stick up for us because they shouldn’t control ourrelationship soo much. Well after that it has been HELL with her. I’ve confronted her about this and I apologized for what I said and she ended up saying it was “water under the bridge” so I felt better, but NOW she’s just doing anything to keep me away!! The times I’m allowed over there I am STILL polite and nice..but she won’t budge. It’s like..I say ONE little thing and it’s the end of the world with her..but SHE can say COUNTLESS mean things behind my back! But moving out with my boyfriend is not an option right now because were still in college. All I’ve ever wanted was to just be apart of the family. This is starting to effect mine and my boyfriends relationship. Please help. A.
Answer: Dear A.: There isn’t anything you can do, as far as I know. You wrote your own obituary with your boyfriend’s family and you have been written off. Here are two things to look more closely at. Number One: It was just a matter of time. It looks to me like his mother was waiting for the chance to do what she did. If she cared she wouldn’t have have been so vicious and unforgiving. Number Two: How did she know about your phone conversation? The whole thing seems like a set-up to me. If you want to be a part of a loving family, you probably need to choose another guy. If you stay with him, it’s going to be you and him against the world (family), if he can hold up under the pressure. That’s really sad. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise