I’m Not Lying but I Did Cheat

Question: Dear Luise: I cheated on my live in ex-boyfriend.  When he found out he beat me up so I moved out. We have a son who is 7 and he is with me -seeing his father every other weekend. I have been gone for 8 months. I am seeing someone who only met my son a week ago.  My son’s father is saying I am a liar and telling our son this person I am seeing i is the reason we are not together.  I have never told my son why we moved out other than the fact that I do not want to fight with his father and I was so unhappy – I did not want him to hear fighting, etc.  How do I handle this with my son? J.

Answer: Dear J.: You and I know how nasty that was for your “ex” to use your son to try to get even with you. Now your son, who is way too young to understand that the adults around him are acting like children, is the one who pays.

I would tell him that you do not want to create any further problems with his dad and so you are not going to say anything one way or the other. That’s the only way I can think of for you to be honest and keep the whole thing from escalating.

Discussing it, even with a child, is going to put you on the defensive and you have a no defense. Rise above it and stick to your guns. No matter what his dad says, just keep refusing to confirm or deny it. Let your son know that the fighting ended when you left and you are simply not going to go there. Blessings, Luise


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