Question: Dear Luise I had to be separated from my older son because I was going to tremendous trouble and pain was living w my mother in law which is not his grandma he was living w me his stepdad and our other son,I feel betrayed because my husband new me w him in the picture but then he changed and always treated him like he didn’t belong,and that his dad didn’t send enough money etc. bullshit.I had to make the decision to send him back w his dad, to protect him from this man,I thought it was going to be for a year or so,but now it’s been 4 years and I can’t bear the pain anymore I don’t have a job, money I’ve been going through a lot of things, abuse,family betrayals etc.etc. I don’t know when I’m going to be able to be w my son again I miss him so so much I cry myself to sleep every single night and what hurts more is that he won’t talk to me or want to know anything about me and he hates me.I feel like I can;t go on and I feel confusion and anger towards life and the way things turned out for my son,I feel so depressed and sad all the time he is 14 and already had 2 ear piercings which is because of his rebellion against me,I feel desperate please help me! M.
Answer: Dear M.: You deserve so much better. Trying to survive what you have to face…instead of mourning the loss what you deserve is a tough assignment. Your son has been damaged by all of this and isn’t going to change any time soon. Maybe after he becomes an adult and understands better…and maybe not. He will make his own choices.
You need to focus on anything you can that is positive. Turn from what is lost to you, to what brings you even the simplest joy. You matter. You matter a lot and only you can give yourself the love you need to get through this. Don’t count on others coming through for you. Try not to get stuck in the victim role even if you are the victim of horrific circumstances. It will take you down. Blessings, Luise