I’m A Failure

Question: Dear Luise: My life is not what I want it to be. I’m a failure. I’m overweight and doing work that isn’t fulfilling or profitable. No amount of visualizing makes any difference and the spiritual path I try to follow just emphasizes the glaring gap between what I prefer and what I have. How do I change this? I just can’t believe it was “meant to be” or is “my lot in life”, etc. I know hopeless and helpless are victim stances, but how do I move out of that reality? In appreciation, Mike

Answer: Dear Mike: I think you may be right. There are times when our old tapes do us in. For most of us, all of the self-help books, epiphanies, and resolves just don’t get to the neuro-pathways in our brains that were created when we were very young. I will share my experience with you for what it’s worth. I came to the foregoing conclusion after years of trying to alter behavior that I felt was unproductive at best and defeating at worst and failling to do so.
What brought about a shift for me was the work Laurel Mellin has done on what is necessary to bring about deep, permanent change in behaviors, attitudes, reactions and beliefs. She is at www.thepathway.org . I started out reading her book, “The Pathway” and then got into one of her study groups. Her amazing work was once directed exclusively toward weight loss. Eventually she realized it has a much broader application. It’s not for everyone, no single approach ever is, and it may not be for you. I saw people there who were not inspired, and it took inspiration plus grim determination for me to slog through it. If you are up for fighting for yourself, I found it to be a great arena. Blessings, Luise

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