Question: HELLO!IM DESPRATE AND AT ALOSS NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO MY 13 YEAR OLD SON MOVED IN WITH HIS DAD BECAUSE I HAD RULES HE DIDNT WANT TO FALLOW HE WAS GETTING INTO ALOT OF TROUBLE AT SCHOOL SO BECAUSE I WAS GROUNDING HIM AND TOOK HIS SELL AWAY HE DIDNT WANT TO BE WTH ME HE IS WITH HIS DAD AND SINCE THEN HE HAS GOTTEN WORSE HIS DAD DONT CORRECT HIM HE IS STILL GETTING INTO TROUBLE HE NEEDS HIS PARENT EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT TOGETHER HE WILL NOT WORK WITH ME SO MY SON FEEDS ON THAT AND SAYS HORRIBLE THINGS TO ME AND I WANNA BE CLOSE WITH HIM I DO ANYTHING FOR HIM HIS DAD LETS HIM GO TO A 23 YEAR OLD HOSE FOR EXAMPLE I FLIPPED HE COULD BE A PEV AND HE THINKS IM OVER REACTING I LOVE MY SON AND WANT HIM TO BE A GREAT KID BUT HE SAYS ITS ALL MY FALT I DONT LET HIM DO ANYTHING I DO BUT IT HAS TO BE THE RIGHT THING HOW DO I GET HIM AND HIS DAD TO SEE ITS SCARES ME IM AFRAID HIS DAD IS GONNA GET MY SON HURT OR SENT AWAY NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT MY SONS WELL BIENG BUT ME AND IM SICK ABOUT IT HE YELS AT ME SAYS I RUIN HIS LIFE I WANNA HELP HIM AND BE INVOLVED AND LEED HIM IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND OUT OF TROUBLE AND RESPECT ME HES DAD DONT CARE BUT HE RESPECTS HIM I DONT GET IT AND IM LOST AND ALSO 26 WEEKS PREGNANT SO I GOT ALOT ON MY PLATE I WONT GIVE UP ON MY SON EVER I WILL KEEP TELLING HIM I LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO PROTECT HIM BUT HE DONT CARE ABOUT ME OR MY FEELINGS PLEASE HELP IM SO LOST RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!! J.
Answer: Dear J. The only way I know of for you to get through the situation is to accept it. I know you don’t want to hear that and things are going from bad t worse, but it’s pretty much out of your hands. Your son was headed in that direction before he moved in with his dad. You might not have had any better luck keeping him at home. He is making unwise and personally dangerous choices. No parent can stand to watch that but sometimes that’s the only way they learn. And a few do learn!
Start to rebuild your life. You were a whole person before you had a family. You can be whole again. Let go of it or it will tear you apart and that won’t help anyone. You need to be in better shape should your son ever come to his senses and ask for your support. Until then, start thinking of yourself and what will help you feel better. Do kind things for yourself. Turn in the direction of what once brought you joy and fulfillment. You deserve better and you can give it to yourself. Blessings, Luise