Question: Dear Luise: My heart is breaking and I want to make sure I can help my daughter. I just found out that twelve years ago I got a girl pregnant. The mother told me a year later I said lets get a DNA test and I never heard from her again. Well, her sister has contacted me and now were going to take the test. Her sister has custody because her mother has abandoned her too many times. I want this to go well. Where can I get information so I don’t do any further harm? The aunt says she doesn’t think there’s been any sexual abuse but not sure. Even if she is not mine I want to help her and not cause her anymore pain. M.
Answer: Dear M.: You can talk with a child psychologist for some suggestions. A lot depends on the girl, her basic personality and how damaged she is. She may be receptive to your support or she may not. You can’t force it, of course.
Go gently, get the test and see what the result is. What a relief that the days a woman could say to any man who had been with her, “This your child…” without proof of any kind are over. If she is not yours, she may still let you into her heart and her sister may let you help out. Bless your heart, Luise