Question: Dear Luise: I’ve got a problem that really bothers me…especially since my boyfriend and I are planning to marry. I just wonder whether he is gay or not because he is so strange. He doesn’t show much interest to me whenever we are alone together…which isn’t that often. He’s not interested in sex. I just wonder if he’s in a relationship with his guy friend. He likes his company and they even watch porn movies together. They are very close to each other. His friend knows him better than I do. He told me that they sometimes go to a vacant apartment together to drink… just the two of them. I told him this worried me and he told me to marry him so I won’t have doubts. But I do. I don’t want to be with a guy who doesn’t ever have sex. I told him I wanted to have sex because I wanted to have a baby and he tried but his efforts were pathetic. I think he is just using me to cover up his problem with his family and friends. Another problem is that he is so thrifty that he doesn’t even want to pay for our expenses when we go out…even though he has plenty of money. He says that I have enough money and then asks me to buy him things and be the one to pay for our food etc. I just feel he’s strange. Please help me decide whether if it is right to still get married. I think I love him because I’ve been able to sacrifice this long. But after being “together” almost 5 years, I don’t know how long I will be able to keep this up. I’m almost tempted to go out with other guys. Please help me. I’m 37years old and he’s 33. E.
Answer: Dear E.: Your instincts are right on. Staying with him for five years has told you all you need to know (and a lot more that you probably wish you didn’t know.) End it and look for someone who offers you what you deserve starting with respect, intimacy and loyalty. And how about kindness, interest and support? Blessings, Luise