I Stayed: He left

Question: Dear Luise: I have one son and one daughter, I divorced   after 25 and a half years almost 5 years ago, all this years I was so sad and crying about him and I was talking about him and say Why he did this to me. my daughter was 19 years old when her dad moved out and he find a another woman and had a good time with her and even my kids they didn’t know where he live for one year, they used to see each other in different places , all this years I make myself busy with diferent sport , I did 2 Marathon and do hiking, bicking and dancing to forget about my past ,I have a 29 years old son too , he moved out from our house in 2002, anyway my daughter for the first time  find a boyfriend when her dad moved , he has MS and he is not working or studing just he smoke grass because of his pain ofcourse he has a card from doctor , in july 2011 my daughter engeged with her boyfriend , she is studying in colleage and working in the bank, now she is tired of me because I think that man is not a right person for her and the other hand still I talk about her dad and now she is telling me other women they were force than me, and she moved with boyfriend and his family and when I asked her why u dont come home she will be mad of me , it is so sad ,i stayed with her but her dad went having fun with and go to over see for traveling and now I am a bad person, could you give me advise to what should i do? thank you, Z.

Answer: Dear Z.: It is so hard to let our kids go and to get that they have the right to make their own choices. It seems like we often want so much more for them than they want for themselves. We can’t raise them without expectations but/and many times they aren’t met.

You are not a bad person. Don’t let anyone ever convince you that you are! Many adult children would rather blame a parent than grow up.

My take on this is that you did a great job and now you get to have a life of your own. You are sports minded and liked to dance. Now is the time to do exactly what you want to do. You were a whole person before you married and had children and you can be whole again. Create a life for yourself that is about you. Now it’s your turn to have some fun! Your adult children, like mine, will make their own mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Our job is done. Blessings, Luise

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