Question: Dear Luise: I feel like I have been hit broadside, and I sure need a relationship coach. I have spent my whole life hearing about other people falling in love but, until recently, it just never happened to me. When it did, I fell like a ton of bricks. For a while, it was wonderful. Then he changed his mind. Just like that. How do I change my mind? I want to contact him and beg…but I know it won’t do any good. Where do I go from here? I feel really awful. Thanks for anything you might be able to offer. Sincerely, Christine
Answer: Dear Christine: After waiting so long, I’m sure this situation is extremely painful. Certainly you thought in the beginning that all was well, and it must have been great to join the throng. Then…off he goes! My job, as your long-distance relationship coach, is to help you see that you need to focus on you..not on “what went wrong” or “how to fix it”. We will probably never know what your guy was all about. It wouldn’t help us much, if we did. He’s gone. Personally, I don’t think you have lost as much as it feels like you have. He had to have a lot of issues, including shallowness, if he came and went from you life so quickly.
There is no way through this except through it, unfortunately. You have in some ways been blessed because you know at long last what such feelings are all about. A door has opened in your heart. What comes to mind, as I think about this, is recalling when I got unceremoniously dumped many years ago. Yes, I was hurt and angry, as well as lost. But before long I saw it as an opening. A place that was there to be filled, and it was…delightfully! You are more than you were; deeper, stronger, wiser. Feel all of the negative feelings and when you can, move on. The next guy may make the first one look like a frog! Blessings, Luise