I Never Thought This Would Happen

Question: Dear Luise: I am 28 have been married 8 years and have an 11 month- old baby. I have been with the same man for 12 years and truly feel he is my soul mate. I have a bad case of obsessive thinking, depression, and guilt which I take medication for. He was always so supportive of my problem and the sexual side effects of the medicine but soon after the baby was born he started being more inquisitive about my thoughts and I felt compelled to tell him what they were. So for the last year it’s been me confessing one thought after another to him to where he is finally disgusted with it and me and says he doesn’t love me anymore. He said he would stay for our baby but I told him I didn’t think that was a good idea. He has always been good to me and made me feel special. In return I did the minimum. I don’t cook well…he always did it. I didn’t make him feel special. He gave me a chance a while back to try to fix it but I couldn’t. I need to stay on the medication but it is hurting our sexual relationship. He says it wouldn’t matter anyway that it is over and he doesn’t want to have sex with me anyway. He wants a divorce. I really love him and don’t want him to leave but it hasn’t been the same in almost a year and we are both exhausted. He is so angry and cold towards me and says all of this is my fault. I agree that some of it is. I can’t see my life without him though. He is not only my husband but my best friend. I never thought this would happen. Please help! A.

Answer: Dear A.: What has happened may be repairable if you are both willing to enter into serious counseling. This website is not the place to look for a solution because your situation is extremely complex and needs professional intervention.

Often when others want to know what we are thinking, it is unwise to share our thoughts. We think all kinds of things that are groundless and can be hurtful. Also, for most couples, there has to be a balance between give and take. It usually isn’t enough to just consider each other best friends. Both partners need to make a concerted effort to appreciate and serve each other on a daily basis. It sounds like you are unable to hold up your end of things. That may not be your fault but it also may be more than your husband can continue to deal with.

Again, I believe that you need help in addressing these issues. Hopefully, it’s not too late. Blessings, Luise

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