Question: My step son’s wife resents me and is very jealous of me. We have been married for 7 years and she is close to my husband’s ex wife and therefore resents me. My husband and I now have custody of a toddler and she is jealous of that because she says he didn’t spend time with her children (our grandchildren) but it is because they never ask us to keep them. We have offered hundreds of time to let them stay with us but they always stay with her mom or our son’s mom. I have put forth so much effort over the years that it is almost crazy.I don’t know what else to do. My step son isn’t like that toward me. What do I do? She now says we need to start over! I don’t think WE need to do anything! I am tired!!!!! I love those grandchildren as though they were my blood and want to spend time with them but it isn’t our choice. It is hard to give 100% all the time and feel the door is slammed in your face constantly. B.
Answer: Dear B.: The sad thing about your situation is we can’t change other people…only ourselves…and you aren’t the problem. If your step daughter in law resents you, shuts you out, refuses to see her part in it an blames you…that is her mind set until she decides otherwise, if she ever does.
Loving the grandchildren as you do, you may want to ask her what “starting over” looks like to her. My guess is that she will ask the impossible of you,(which is to not be you) to make herself appear innocent regarding the impasse.
She doesn’t want you in the family. How childish can she get? I would at least find out what she suggests before throwing in the towel. However, if you have to do it for your own well-being, then you need to get on with it. Your little toddler deserves your best and so do you. Blessings, Luise