I Long For My First Child

Question: Dear Luise: I read an email from a lady about her daughter that hates her and how she feels that she is grieving the loss of the relationship/person in her life.  I know exactly how she feels.  My daughter is 22yrs and treats me with contempt.  If I could send you the emails she has sent me….  I never respond badly, I ignore them and reply with something positive.  I know she has not always agreed with my decisions regarding how I raised her, I have desperately tried to get her to agree to counseling for both of us.  I cry when I think about it and feel such terrible pain and loss.  I dont know where to go with these feelings of despair.  My husband is in the same boat as I am, but feels she will need us at sometime in her life.  I don’t agree, I feel as if I have lost my heart, sometimes it is too much to bear.  I have two younger children 12years (boy) and 11 years (girl).  They constantly tell me that they love me, they sense my pain that I try to hide from them.  Also, my younger daughter looks exactly like my oldest.  When I look into her eyes it is like seeing my first.  I am scared I will do something to mess up my relationship with them.  I constantly ask them if I have done anything wrong and to please tell me if I have. They tell me to please relax, I have done nothing and even if I do, they will let me know and we can work on it as a family.  They are such awesome children, I don’t know what I have done to deserve them.  But I so long for my first child.  Can you help me?  I know that I am asking a lot. Sincerely, S.

Answer: Dear S.: Nearly three years ago, I realized that the question and answer venue I have set up on this site wasn’t enough for those women experiencing serious issues with adult children and extended families. As a result I created a Web-forum for the purpose of establishing a supportive community where caring and sharing…listening and understanding…were available in-depth. What has occurred has been heartwarming. We have shed a lot of tears but we have also seen a lot of healing. Please come over to www.WiseWomenUnite.com  Blessings, Luise

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