Question: Dear Luise: I read an email from a lady about her daughter that hates her and how she feels that she is grieving the loss of the relationship/person in her life. I know exactly how she feels. My daughter is 22yrs and treats me with contempt. If I could send you the emails she has sent me…. I never respond badly, I ignore them and reply with something positive. I know she has not always agreed with my decisions regarding how I raised her, I have desperately tried to get her to agree to counseling for both of us. I cry when I think about it and feel such terrible pain and loss. I dont know where to go with these feelings of despair. My husband is in the same boat as I am, but feels she will need us at sometime in her life. I don’t agree, I feel as if I have lost my heart, sometimes it is too much to bear. I have two younger children 12years (boy) and 11 years (girl). They constantly tell me that they love me, they sense my pain that I try to hide from them. Also, my younger daughter looks exactly like my oldest. When I look into her eyes it is like seeing my first. I am scared I will do something to mess up my relationship with them. I constantly ask them if I have done anything wrong and to please tell me if I have. They tell me to please relax, I have done nothing and even if I do, they will let me know and we can work on it as a family. They are such awesome children, I don’t know what I have done to deserve them. But I so long for my first child. Can you help me? I know that I am asking a lot. Sincerely, S.
Answer: Dear S.: Nearly three years ago, I realized that the question and answer venue I have set up on this site wasn’t enough for those women experiencing serious issues with adult children and extended families. As a result I created a Web-forum for the purpose of establishing a supportive community where caring and sharing…listening and understanding…were available in-depth. What has occurred has been heartwarming. We have shed a lot of tears but we have also seen a lot of healing. Please come over to www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise