I Let My Mom Down

Question: Dear Luise: I have been reading other questions and answers, and feel the tears coming on right now.  Mom passed away last month, February 4, 2015.  She lived with us for 7+ years after my dad passed.  I am the baby and have three siblings.  None came to visit her until she had a heart attack three years ago.  I wish they would have spent more time.  But that is not what upsets me, I was not there at the moment she passed.  I had stayed at school (I’m a teacher) doing printing, then I had to pick up my grandson from day care.  Mom passed away, as closely as the paramedics could tell, whilst I was picking up my grandson (she loved Emmett so much; my grandson was the love of her life since his birth 4 years ago!)  I have guilt that I was not present at the end.  I just can’t seem to accept this and I feel I let her down. Kathy

Answer: I don’t think there is one person on the planet that can say, ‘Well, I never let my mom down. I feel good about that.’

We are human…when our moms lost their moms, it felt the same to them and they, too were knee deep in regrets. We don’t learn to love our humaness…we strive for perfection. That guarantees failure! Your mom knows you did your best and that sometimes our best is our worst.

What I did was to write to my mom when she passed. I poured my heart out and after a while, she started writing back. Yes, I knew it was me doing the writing, of course…but / and I knew what she would have said!

I am 88 years old and soon my son will have to face this. We’ve talked about it and I hope that helps. If we were perfect or could obtain perfection, I doubt we woud be here in the first place. Why should he greive about not being perfect when I never was! Blessings, Luise

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