Question: Dear Luise: I lost my mom less than a year ago to a sudden heart attack happened so fast. i can’t get over it i need help i feel like my life is falling apart i lost my dad my brother now my mom how do you go on my living family needs me and i’m letting them down i’m just so sad all the time …I JUST WANT MY MOTHER….thanks c.
Answer: Dear C. Death is the hardest thing we ever have to face, to my way of thinking. We are all “perishable items” and we all have a “shelf life.” To think anyone is going to stay is the biggest mistake we can make. We get the feeling that they are permanent but they aren’t and we aren’t. We get used to the support and the love of those that are near and dear and then we have to get used to living without it.
Of course you want your mother. Life is very different without her and very difficult. And yet change is all we can be certain of. I still miss my mom and I and 84 years old and she’s been gone for 57 of those years. I had four sons and now only one is still alive. My sisters are gone. Life can’t help but be an endless series of losses. In the process, we have to learn to focus on the living. Simple but not easy.
The pain and loss don’t stay so intense as what you are currently experiencing. But while we are feeling totally lost, most of us have to pretend we’re fine. That’s nearly impossible and costs us dearly.
There are grief counselors who cab help a lot and that may be something that you need to do. You have had a huge amount of loss way too soon. I’m so sorry. Often those around us don’t know or understand or are in their own grief. and we can feel pretty alone with it. Please try getting an advocate you can talk with and be real with, hopefully, someone who has been trained to walk with you through this. Blessings, Luise