Question: Dear Luise: I am 42 and my Bf 41, we are both single and have both been marriedand divorced before. We have known each other for 1 year and 5 months, but only seriously dating for 11 mths now. He has met my entire family, yet I have not even met one of his. I have declared how this made me feel and even asked him all the reasons “why” we are of the same race, and age..and when I asked him if he was ashamed of me he answered “no” and if he was ashamed of his family and he always answers “no” and then I asked are you scared your mother will scare me away? and he answers “no”, his main excuse is that his mother is depressed and that the “timing” to meet her has to be right. I guess I am wondering sometimes if he even wants our relationship to move to the next level? I am frustrated that he always answers the same, and even went as far as an ultimatum, but gave in when he brought me flowers and took me to a nice dinner..I am feeling used and even told him I was, where he just shrugged his shoulders…We get along so well and have such a happy time together..but, after voicing my feelings of neglect to him, and he hasnt taken me to meet his family, should I let him go and move on?? confused and but so in love. J.
Answer: Dear J.: I would call it quits. There is more to the story than your boyfriend is telling you. You don’t buy that he hasn’t found the right moment in almost a year and neither do I. You are not kids. And if he doesn’t trust you with whatever he is up against, then you don’t have much of a foundation. We can love people we can’t live with. I would move on and look for more openness and partnership in a relationship unless you value flowers and dinner above maturity. Credibility is lost when empty ultimatums are made. I think you deserve better. Blessings, Luise