Question: My 9 year old son and I are always arguing and fighting. Whether it be about homework or cleaning his room. Anything. I try taking things away or giving privilages if things are done. But this does not help at all. We argue always. Now my son is becoming mean towards me calling me names, making fun of me in any way, saying he doesn’t want me in the family or he wants a new mom. I think my son has ADHD or something along those lines. But I have no insurance to get him checked out.(I’m in the process to get help from government) I have resorted to homeopathic vitamins. Has help him focus but his behavior stays the same. My husband and I argue also mostly about my son this is our main argument otherwise we have little to no arguements. He hates that I get upset when things are not done or I have to yell at my son. My patients has worn so thin. Not a day goes by without agruing. Hubby has even threaten to leave due to the problems between me and my son. . He also realizes that we only argue about our son. He is very very protective of him. Feels I treat him bad. Now if we disagree he corrects me in front of our son. Weve argued many times in front of son. If my son doesn’t like something I say to him he says he is going to tell on me. I think I am resenting my son due to all the problems or that I may lose my marriage. I hate it that I do. On top of all this I am 6 months pregnant. I am at a loss of what to do. How do I change or do I lose my family because I can’t change. I honestly feel lost. Any advise please. C.
Answer: Dear C. You do not have to yell at your son…that’s a choice that you make. I honestly don’t have the training to be able to do anything beyond suggesting counseling. If you can get help to do that, I suggest you move as quickly as you can..
It looks to me like your son has taken over the power and control of the household. That’s too big a job for a little guy of eight. He has you and your husband under his thumb and he is calling the shots without the slightest idea of the consequences.
Your marriage is in jeopardy and you have another child on the way. You and I both know that is going to complicate things further. I see you in crisis and needing immediate intervention to be able to get it under control. The Internet is not the place to go…you need on-on-one help. Please fight for yourself. Blessings, Luise