Question: Dear Luise: my mom passed away in feb.4 2011 and i feel like if i cant go on without her, i miss her so much. i feel bad because i was always a daddys girl but always felt as she didnt like me as much as my brothers so i would always want her attention. we never really got along like i would of wanted to nd i hadnt seen her for 3 months nd then i found out she passed away nd im just so mad that i would always argue with her and i miss her so much. i just want to know how can i get over the feeling of feeling guilty. F.
Answer: Dear F.: When we lose someone close to us, the first thing all of us do is see where we could have done better and then we find ourselves under tons of guilt. I had the same experience when I lost my mom…and later my son.
Where you are is healthy and normal and you won’t stay there. What would be really serious would be if you were patting yourself on the back as the perfect daughter.
Your mom knows that you loved her and she is sending you her love. Moms never go very far away. Eventually you will be thinking more about the good times and you will also see that there is a lesson in all of this. The lesson is to look at your current and future relationships to see if you are expressing what you really want to…or are being self-absorbed and thoughtless. We all have those qualities but we can learn how to set them aside for more rewarding experiences. Blessings, Luise