Question: My 25 year old son and my 21 year old daughter have told me they wish I would die, my daughter went so far as to say she will throw a party when I die. I have not been a perfect mother, but I know I have been better than many. My grown son lives with me and his father refuses to make him leave. My son yells at me and tells me I need mental help after I blow up when I finally can’t take the abuse anymore. The thing of it is, I have had “mental help” and I’m told that I’m doing the right things, except for continuing to coddle my children. I love my son, I don’t want to throw him out but I’m afraid, he keeps saying I should leave my own home, that they all hate me and I need to go away and die. I have no place to go or I would go away, I’m old and sick and this is my only home. I don’t know what to do. L.
Answer: Dear L.: This is between you and your husband, it seems to me. It is his decision to keep someone in the house who is abusing you.
Our kids are on their own to make it or not after they become of age. You and I both know that your husband isn’t helping your son by keeping him a dependent and tied to him. You don’t “throw them out,” you insist that they leave and face adulthood, their poor choices and their consequences. That’s how they grow up.
Your husband is being disloyal to my way of thinking. Blessings, Luise