Question: Dear Luise: I am married for 14 yrs but before marriage I was in a relationship and we loved each other very much but due to family we parted our ways. I got married but my lover did not marry. After 4yrs of marriage I met him by chance and we started talking again .He always told me that he loves me only and is not comfortable with someone else. But now he is asking me to get physical with him .I am in a dilemma, as I don’t want to. My husband is a very good man and I don’t want to cheat him and my friend is saying this is not wrong, as we love each other. Please advise. What should I do D.
Answer: Dear D.: Your friends are wrong to my way of thinking. You know what’s right. You have probably written to me to help you reinforce your commitment to your husband.
The man who didn’t suit your family still wouldn’t suit your family, right? They supported you in making a good match and you have a husband you respect. Please continue to respect him and put your past behind you. Once you started seeing your former friend, this was bound to happen. You have been playing with emotional dynamite. Both of you know that. Cheating is called cheating it isn’t erased by calling it love.
Part of becoming a mature and responsible adult is learning what loyalty means. You have no cause to leave your husband and the fact that you don’t want to hurt him reflects affection and respect. Handle yourself as an adult should, you are no longer a whimsical child who doesn’t know right from wrong.
Not only does your husband deserve the best…you are in need of building self respect. It becomes stronger and stronger every time you make an ethical decision and stand by it. Habits are created through repetition.
We are all drawn at one time or another to flattery, infatuation and novelty. They have no substance; no holding power. Close the door on the past and see how much better you feel. You deserve the best. Guilt and shame are unhealthy and damaging emotions. Blessings, Luise