I Don’t Want To Freak Her Out

Question: Hi Luise: My question to you is how should I go about contacting my 18 year old daughter for the first time? I’ll give you a short background. When  I was 17-18, the girl I just broke up with told me she was pregnent. I didn’t believe her at first, and she moved away. I have not seen or heard from her since (except for the child supprt order). To make a long story short, I recently discovered my daughter on a social networking website, and would really love to make contact with her, but I don’t know if sending her a message over a website is appropriate. I have been searching for her off and on for years. The problem being, I don’t know what her mother has told her, and I do not want to confuse or freak her out. I have no way of contacting her mother, or other realitives first. I was a stupid kid when she was born, and would love to reach out to her now, knowing that I can never make up for 18 years being gone. My appologies for rambling, but I can’t seem to get her off my mind, and I’m not sure what to do. I would love any advise you might have on the subject. Thank you. N.

Answer: Dear N.: The first thing to remember is that she’s the age now that you were “then”, so you may not get a mature or open-minded response, if you get one at all.

Definitely send her a message over a Website if that’s the only way you can communicate with her. Who knows, she may have dreamed of meeting you.

I’d be brief. Something along the line that you are her biological father and have been searching for her for a long time and would like to connect if she was interested. Leave her lots of room. And if she doesn’t respond right away or responds in a negative way…give her time to change her mind.

She’s lucky that you care. Blessings, Luise


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