Question: Dear Luise: I’m writing because I’m at my wits end! I have a son who will be two in the middle of April. My husband (his father) is in the military and hasn’t been present for the greater part of his life. He just left about a month ago for six months. Anyhow, my son doesn’t listen to a thing I say, not one single thing. I just signed him up for preschool because he overwhelms me and I just need to get away from him. I love him with all my heart but often times ask myself if i like him. At school they say he’s an angel and he seems to be an angel at grandma’s, as well. I’ve worked with children for almost ten years, as well as, having a elementary education degree. I thought I would be a pro at this but I am just the opposite. I honestly feel as though he hates me. When I go to pick him up I’m so excited because I miss him but within two hours I’m wishing I could go drop him back off. I’ve sought advice from the director of his school but nothing seems to be working. Help, what can I do to change this situation?
Answer: Dear A. I have seen this before. I think it would help, for you to talk with a highly recommended counselor…as well as a really good child psychologist.
Two year-olds are a handful but he is playing a game with you and winning. That must be hard to take.
Sometimes it’s a personality thing and sometimes it’s just that you would be better off and so would he, if you left the bulk of his care to others. We are born to love our children but we are not all natural-born mothers. That’s not a bad thing…it’s just something to be worked out or worked through.
I deeply admire you for facing this situation head on and not adding any more drama to it than it already carries. Not being a victim is very commendable. (As in whining, “Why did I get the difficult child?”) Mother’s of clinging children can get into the same position. While your son is kicking you to the curb, other little ones go into hysterics when mom leaves the room. There’s a lot mystery in all of it.
You are a single parent much of the time and that’s not an easy road, either. Don’t give up seeking answers and creating assistance. You love him. That’s what matters! Blessings, Luise