Question: Dear Luise: My daughter is angry with me. I went into her room, got some pictures, and made reprints of them. I thought of asking her, but then I just took the pictures to the store and did what I had to do. I have always snooped in her stuff her entire life. This summer, I purposely stayed out of her room and made sure I didn’t touch any of her stuff. She seems angry at the past and can’t seem to get over it. Last night, she went into my bedroom, took all the stuff in my room and moved it. She moved all of my earrings. This morning, I came down and told her to put back my earrings or I would move everything in her room by the time she came home today. I was so mad at her. She never seems to forgive me and it seems as though she likes to punish me. She would say that I favored my son, even though we go out to eat and stuff fairly often. I told her that maybe she wouldn’t have such a hard time with people if she wasn’t so much like that. She is vindictive and I hate that. She has been like that since she has been a little girl. I love her and don’t want to talk about her, but I have to get this out. I asked her why she never gives me a break. I mean she has all these rules and she can never overlook anything. I think she is angry with me and I just don’t know what to do. I kinda don’t even care any more, but I really do. I don’t know. S.
Answer: Dear S.: It sounds to me like you both need counseling. The thing about invading each other’s privacy is like two children…not one adult and one child. You did not state her age but whatever it is, it’s time to get help in working through the issues you face. You both deserve a healthy, happy relationship.
If your daughter is vindictive by nature…that may be more about her personality than it is about you…just like your snooping is more about you than it is about her. It’s time to get some help in sorting it all out. Blessings, Luise