Why Can’t I Move On?

Question: Dear Luise:  I have an 8 month-old and a 2and a half year old and i am pregnant with my 3rd baby which I alone have decided to keep. My marriage has turned to shatters and my husband refuses to work on the marriage anymore. I now find myself uninterested in this marriage anymore as I despise him for not making an effort and being very verbally abusive towards me. We have had one to many arguments over the past 4 years and both find it hard to forgive and forget. We both know it’s time to move on. But at the same time, I keep telling myself it’s going to be okay; I just need to be patient and hold on and try to understand the type of person he is but it has not worked. I want my kids to have a father around so badly that I find myself paying the price in the process. Why cant I just get the message and move on? L.

Answer: Dear L. Very few things in life are all bad or all good; most are a mix. You have valid reasons to stay or to go and that leaves you “on the fence.”

I would see a good counselor if I were you and get some help with sorting it out. You know you have a partnership that is not supportive, that’s clear and it sounds like you have given it your best. The thing that trips most of us up in such circumstances is choosing to love someone we can’t live with and hoping that will change.

Yes, you want your children to have a father but you are living in circumstances that are causing serious damage to their mother. You have taken on a huge parenting job and are creating an environment that doesn’t support you in carrying it out. If you can give it your all and thrive, staying might work but it doesn’t sound to me like you are thriving.

Again, find a professional that can help you act in your own best interest. You will find that it is also in your children’s best interest to face this and move through it. Blessings, Luise

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