I Can’t Find the Strength to Leave

Question: Luise: Please hear my plea for answers. I’m at a total loss as to what I should do. I have been married for 4 years now. We have a beautiful son together and unfortunately separated more times then remained together. I have tried to be the wife and mother he wants me to be and have failed him miserably every time. All my self-worth is gone, and my indecisiveness to stay or to go has caused me a great deal of stress and pain. I love him but the love we shared years ago is gone. I’m terrified of being alone, his temper verbally is so terrifying that I fear approaching him with my feelings. Yet time and time again he leaves me and I beg him to come home. How do I truly know that our marriage is completely over? He’s the father of my son with whom I’ve given my heart and soul to for so long now. PLEASE, please advise me on your thoughts, everyone in my life says to go but I can’t find the strength within me to follow thru. P.

Answer: Dear. P: If everyone in your life is telling you to leave your abusive relationship and you can’t find the strength to follow through…of what possible use would my advice be when I suggest that you do the same thing?

You only have one enemy and it isn’t your husband…it’s yourself. This is your issue and it’s your life that you are either going to save or throw away. You can find sympathizers and advocates but it isn’t their strength that is required. Unfortunately, many abused women who are terrified of being alone do exactly what you are doing…nothing. I have no idea how the life you are now leading can seem better than the unknown.

You are responsible for your child’s welfare and you have to know that the environment you are raising him in is poisonous.

Your question “How do I truly know that our marriage is completely over?” astounds me. Loving someone and being able to live with him can be two entirely different things.
You have given your heart and soul to a lost cause. If you can’t see that, stay and suffer and stay and ruin you child’s life. It’s you decision. Can you at least see that indecision is a decision?

Others know you deserve better…what could be worse? There are women who live their entire lives in the horror that you are creating by “begging him to come home.” Sure he’s the father of you child. But are you really convinced that needs to be the basis for a lifetime jail sentence?

Your situation can only be solved with love…self-love. It isn’t up to others; it’s up to you. Blessings, Luise

One Response to I Can’t Find the Strength to Leave

  1. stephanie November 22, 2008 at 8:24 am #

    I have a question that i can’t seem to answer… i have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4. The first half of our relationship was spent on drinking and drugs. We now have a 4 year old son, and i am 5 months pregnant. I have been sober for a year, and was sober before that for stretches, but he never was (he works ‘on the road’ and while away was still drinking and drugging but lying to me about it). He has admitted the lies he told and had other people tell for him to hide his addictions. I am seriously committed to staying away from those poisons, and have realized that his using was an excuse for me to relapse in the past. question: i cant seem to trust him now, knowing all the past lies. Is he even trustworthy? I see red flags all the time, but he tells me everything is ok. Should I believe him? And, since I don’t should I leave the relationship? The lack of trust is running me ragged. Help!!!

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