Question: Hi Luise: Here i am staring at my keyboard, afraid to ask…but i guess i need to know. I was married to a very negative and controlling man for about 10 years. I did get out of the marriage, my problem is that it doesn’t matter if it’s work related or personnal, i have such a hard time to handle it when someone one critisises me, it really hurts me, i know i have to learn to accept good critiscism but i don’t know how to start, i’ve had to live so much with negativity in the past 10 years that it is now affecting my daily life. I realize that sometimes you have to listen to good critiscim to be able to achieve more but how can i handle this in a positive way? S.
Answer: Dear S. I have had to deal with the same thing. It usually can be traced back to being diminished as a child and carrying some level of low self-esteem, even if unconscious. The side effect of that is we tend to believe what others say about us.
I had a friend who opened my eyes on this. When someone put her down she would be totally confused by why that person didn’t see how wonderful she was…and she was also totally unaffected by the unkind remark.
Self-love is the way out…sometimes via counseling…sometimes through self-help books…sometimes through positive feedback. You are one-of-a-kind in the most positive sense. There never was anyone like you before and there never will be again. When you really start to get that, what happens is you become able to see that what others say is about them, not you. Blessings, Luise