Question: Dear Luise: I am so happy to have stumbled upon your website. I am a Mother of an adult daughter (she is an only chld) who wants me in her life only when it benefits her. Her father and I were divorced when she was 16, she is now 28, married, and a Mom herself. Her Dad and I have both since remarried. My daughter has always been a very strong willed, outspoken person, sometimes to outspoken. We have had a rocky relationship since she turned 18. She has cut me out of her life, I was not invited to her wedding, then when my first Grandson was born I was allowed back in. That has been almost 3 years. I live 2000 miles from her but I have flown to see her and my Grandson numerous times. We have purchased many things for my Grandson to help them out. Long story short, my daughter has had many medical issues, all real I am not so sure, but everytime she has a new condition I am supposed to jump through hoops to get to her. The last one was a month ago, she is pregnant again with my second Grandson and having terrible issues, they have put her on bed rest. I work, and we are not wealthy by any means but since I good not run to her she has since cut me off again! I have tried everyway in the world to help her out but it has not been enough. My daughter is a very selfish person, she has played this game before but I am so afraid of losing all contact with my Grandchildren. I cannot take what she is dishing out anymore, the first time she did this and did not invite me to her wedding caused so me so much distress that I ended up with Rhematoid Arthritis! I can’t go through it again! Just needed someone to vent too, the pain is unbearable Thanks for listening! D.
Answer: Dear D.: You make sense to me. An abuser needs an “abusee” to be able to function and you have decided not to play. Please come over to my Web-forum if you would like support. You are far from alone in this situation. And you deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise