Question: Dear Luise: I’m in desperate need of your help. My fiancé and I used to have sex everyday…and in the last year…nearly two, it’s hardly ever. He seems completely uninterested and I complain about it everyday. I’m afraid to marry him because I suspect that this is only going to get worse. I love this man…but he won’t touch me. I exercise…I get my hair done…I don’t know what more I can do? Please, please help. I am so unhappy. I want to be with him but not like this. C.
Answer: Dear C.: That’s the way he is. You can’t fix it. It’s his issue. Your unhappiness hasn’t changed a thing. He hasn’t addressed the problem and he’s not communicating about it or trying to solve it. He knows you’re miserable.
There are really only two ways to go. You can be miserable and stay or you can leave and be miserable. The first could last forever but you have a good chance of recovery from the second.
Whether you decide to honor and respect yourself or not is up to you. There is no way to demand that another person honor and respect you but you can remove yourself from dishonor and disrespect.
Healthy, live-in, male-female relationships aren’t like that…you know it and so does he.
If you don’t want to be seriously damaged by having to live with and deal with his pathology, it’s probably time to move on and start over. Blessings, Luise