Question: I have a problem with my former mother in law. I have one child with my ex and I have three more with my husband, my ex has our child most of the time due to my family relocating for my hubby’s job. It was my child’s special week in school and I was asked my my child to bring cupcakes and balloons. I made the arrangements with my ex and I planned on bringing them. My ex MIL has ALWAYS been the center of everything, she needs to be at every game, lesson, recital, everything… On my way to pick up the balloons and cupcakes, my ex called and asked if I had picked up my order, he then told me that his mother already brought cupcakes! She asked my ex the night before if she could come to the special week presentation (which is pretty much for the parents) and he told her that she had to talk about her work and she didn’t want to do that. She told him that she wasn’t going… She went anyway! She didn’t tell anyone, she didn’t call the school to let them know, and she got to be the “cool one” and it drives me nuts!!! I got to school with the balloons I brought and saw that she ALSO brought balloons! When I talked to our child later, i found out that my ex MIL stayed to have lunch with our child…I know balloons and cupcakes and lunch are little things, but she does this crap all the time and I don’t know how to gently tell her that this really bothers me-She always gets to be the hero or the one who saves the day, and since I don’t see our child as often as I would like, I never get to be that. She has a history of bad-mouthing me to my ex’s family and friends and my ex doesn’t stand up for me… HELP! I can’t take this behavior from her anymore! Thanks, M.
Answer: Dear M.: She isn’t going to change, it doesn’t matter what you say to her or do and your ex isn’t going to stand up for you. You deserve so much better but/and you already know that.
I have established a Web-forum for women who have similar issues with adult children and extended families. A great deal of sharing and caring go on there and healing often follows. Please come over if you are interested. We are at www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise