I’ve Tried Everything

Question: Dear Luise: I’M NOT SURE I REALLY HAVE A QUESTION…I AM 48 YRS OLD MY SONS ARE 28 AND 32…BACK IN 1982-83 I MADE A CALL TO THE WELFARE TO ASK IF THEY HAD ANY PROGRAMS TO TEACH YOUNG MOTHERS TO BE A BETTER PARENT…THEY SENT A WORKER TO MY HOUSE AND WITHIN A COUPLE MONTHS SHE DECIDED MY ELDEST SON NEEDED TREATMENT SHE SAID HE HAD PROBLEMS AND HE WAS ONLY GOING TO BE GONE A MONTH…THAT TURNED INTO IDK???HOW MANY HOMES AND INSTITUTES BUT HE WAS GONE FOR 11 YRS HE CAME BACK WHEN HE WAS 15 YRS AND WE WENT OVER WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND WHY A BUNCH OF TIMES OVER THE YEARS HE SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND THAT I DID’NT GIVE HIM UP OR AWAY…BUT NOW I FIND OUT HE HATES ME AND HIS BROTHER AND WISHES WE WE’RE DEAD HE EVEN GOES AS FAR AS TELLING PEOPLE WE ARE…I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET THRU TO HIM BUT NOTHING HAS WORKED PLEASE IF ANYONE OUT THEIR CAN HELP ME???SIGNED BROKEN HEARTED…

Answer: Dear B.: There is no explaining the unexplainable. I have heard from many mothers who have exactly the same thing going on where there was absolutely no history of any serious problems when their sons were growing up. It seems to be the way some adult children, (sons, especially for some reason)…are able to find an excuse for being irresponsible; they pick a person, almost always the mom, and blame everything on her.

Because it’s not even about you, there’s nothing you can do about it that I know of. The only thing to do is to know you did your best and go on from there. Distance yourself and don’t take any more abuse. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise

 

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