Question: Dear Luise: I work with a man who I have now known for over 10 years. I never had romantic thoughts of him because he is married, once about 6 years ago, I made a remark to a co-worker that I would love to have a husband like him, because he really is a good man, such a great personality and strong character. They started having problems about 3 years ago. They separated for about 3 months, and he would come talk to me and this is where our friendship really took off. Again, no romantic thoughts, just a friend. They reconciled and she was transferred w/her job. He said he had to save the marriage so they moved all together (they have a 9 year old girl). After a year in their new place, she told him basically it was over. He stayed there for their daughter, but then decided to move back. He moved in April of this year and so officially they have been separated for 7 months. About 2 months ago, he started texting me quite a bit. He came over one night and we literally talked all night. Then a few days later, he came over again and this time we talked seriously about us. He told me that for the last year (while he was away) he said that he started thinking of me in a completely different way, that we had a very special connection/relationship. He even mentioned that he had a thought about us how we were destined to be together. These were very strong feelings he was sharing, crying and physically shaking while he told me. I was caught offguard, but after thinking about it, realized how it seemed my prayers had been answered. Things were great for about a month, then he started pulling back. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me and I told him I didn’t want to add any more pressure to what he was going thru. I told him he would be worth the wait. So things have slowed way down. I barely see him except thru work but we’ve gotten together a couple of times for dinner. My question is, because his feelings for me were so strong, do you think they will be there after the confusion, hurt and healing all takes place in his heart? I’m hoping this will work out,but am scared as well that it seems like my Mr. Right might be taken away just as quickly as he came. Thank You, B.
Answer: Dear B.: Of course you’re scared. If he had stayed with his declarations, you would both be looking toward a future together, but he didn’t. He’s conflicted and that could mean almost anything.
If you can do it, it is time to create some distance yourself. After his divorce is final and he has stabilized, if he stabilizes, then you can talk about it again. Right now, you aren’t getting the respect and consideration you deserve. Don’t settle for anything less. Blessings, Luise