Question: Dear Luise: I am 23yrs old female and my boyfriend is 28yrs old we have been living together since march of this yr. We go months with out having sex and when we do, I do not enjoy his very limited preferences. He does everything to avoid have normal sex. We have been tpgether for 6yrs and we used to have amazing sex till the past yr it went down the drain. I feel like hes just a roomate. I feel like i am a good girlfriend i cook for him do his laundry by the food in the house pay most the bills and try my best to avoid any problems. Lately i have been very angry and hurt. I feel like he is just using me in the sense of living with me because he is too comfortable here with a bed to sleep in and homemade cooked meals on the table. He has done alot in the past that hurt me and i forgave him for but cannot forget. We dont trust each other what so ever. I dont believe anything he tells me and he dont believe anything i tell him. I do love him dearly and feel hopeless with out him in my life but lately i have been very depressed with the no sex life and the lack of trust and appreciation. I don’t know what to do this is my first apartment I got on my own and he just moved his way in. He is very private with his phone he never introduced me to his family he blames me for anything that goes wrong in his life. He is a very moody person, I feel so fed up I need help I feel like I have choice but to end this relationship but I’m so afraid to. I wish things would be different and get better but as time is passing things are just getting worst please give me advise as to what I should do I feel so hopeless…S.
Answer: Dear S.: I sure can get the “wishing things were different” part. We can’t change others but it is easy to get stuck in ”if only.” I don’t think any of us are up for ending a relationship. Not really. It feels like a failure. No matter how much we put into it, we come up feeling like it’s our fault. It’s painful to have to say “enough,” mean it and stick to it. On the other side lies our self-respect and freedom but we can’t see or feel it when we are untangling what isn’t working…all we see is broken dream and unfulfilled expectations.
You are being used and abused. Move on. You deserve so much better. As soon as you do that and get past it, I guarantee that you will wonder why you put if off so long. Blessings, Luise