It Can’t All Be My Fault

Question: Dear Luise: I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. My wife says I am to blame for every problem we have. When I try to get her to see that we are both contributing to our issues, she always sees me as the culprit. Even when she does something, it’s my fault that she did it. I’m getting really sick of this and coming very close to being unwilling to look at resolution at all. Can it be possible that one person is at the bottom of every problem a couple has? Thanks, Frank

Answer: Dear Frank. No way, Jose! There is no perfect person out there. There is no relationship that would be wonderful “if only you were”. Nope. None. Nada.

You wife is evidencing glaring imperfection by seeing herself as perfect.

This is one for the marriage counselor. Get there fast. Do not pass “go”. Do not collect $100., (but maybe he will.) I see that as your only option.

Dealing with a closed mind is not something you can take on. You have tried and look where it’s gotten you. No matter what you say and how you document it, your wife will lay the cause at your feet. This is probably an old ploy that she learned long before she met you. How long did it take for this to come to the surface? You must have been acceptable long enough to get to alter.

Try as hard as you can to recall the non-complaining, non-blaming woman she was before you married her, and see if you can work through this together. I have no idea what she’s got on you, but it simply never shakes out this way. We can give her high points for trying but it isn’t going to wash.

Let her know, as lovingly as you can, that you are firing her as judge and jury and taking this to a higher court. Blessings, Luise

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