Question: Dear Luise: My husband and I have been together for 3 years; marrying in just the past 4 months. The past year has been rough on him. He lost his job after an injury and has had trouble finding long-term work. But despite how tough things got we still expressed our love physically. Like most long-term relationships, we had settled into routine of sorts, but it was none-the-less passionate when it happened. We decided to get married during this hard time because why postpone it for a better time? When is better than now? Plus it didn’t put us into debt. We even went through pre-marriage counseling with flying colors! But going on 4 months into a marriage, a true commitment, which I intend to honor, my husband has not responded to me once when I’ve tried to engage him physically. Nor, has he tried to initiate. And whenever it seems like he’s just relaxed enough, he changes the subject, to the dog, or argues about bills that we can’t keep up with. I’ve tried to tell him multiple times how alone I’ve started to feel because of this, and then how pressured I feel because of his poor timing with other topics, like bills. I really don’t think he’s taking me seriously. He’s told me once that I’m just coming up with excuses to worry or complain.How do I get this through to him that intimacy on multiple levels is important to me still. Sincerely, K.
Answer: Dear K.: I don’t think “getting through” to your husband is the issue. He hears you. He knows what you are saying and for reasons of his own, he is not going to address it. That’s his right and leaving is your right. You are unhappy with what works for him. What you need to face is that whatever his problem is, denying it is more important to him than you are. You deserve better. Cut your losses and move on. Blessings, Luise