Question: Dear Luise: I IMAGINE I AM NOT THE ONLY MUM IN THE WORLD WHO FEELS SO REJECTED SINCE HER SON GOT MARRIED. WE WERE ALWAYS CLOSE AND MY MOTHER WHO WAS A DEEPLY BITTER AND WOUNDED SOUL SPENT 2 YEARS POISONING HIM AGAINST ME! SHE HAD ALWAYS VOWED TO ”BREAK ME” AND MY BELIEFS WERE THAT I NOT ONLY HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HER BUT I ALSO HAD TO FORGIVE. WE TOOK HER TO LIVE WITH US WHEN WE RETIRED UNTIL SHE DIED 5 YEARS LATER. SO IN TOTAL I HAD NO CONTACT WITH MY SON FOR 7 LONG PAINFUL YEARS. HE CAME BACK INTO MY LIFE AND ALL WAS WELL UNTIL HE MARRIED A LOVELY GIRL.I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM WITH SUCH A CARING SUPPORTIVE GIRL BUT GRADUALLY HE SEEMS TO HAVE DISTANCED HIMSELF FROM ME. I ONLY WANT TO HEAR FROM HIM OCCASIONALY BUT CAN SENSE HIS NEAR DETACHMENT FROM ME. HIS WIFE SEEMS TO BE NICE ENOUGH WHEN WE SPEAK BUT I CAN SENSE THAT IT IS FALSE. I HAVE BIT MY TONGUE WHEN THEY HAVE TREATED MY BADLY, BUT OH THE PAIN IS SO HARD TO BEAR. HE HAS ADOPTED HER TWO CHILDREN – SHE REFUSED TO HAVE A CHILD WITH HIM – BUT HE HAS BEEN EXCELLENT WITH HER TWO – DESPITE THEM BEING LAZY SELF-ABSORBED AND UNINTERESTED IN ANYTHING BAR THEMSELVES. IT IS A LONG STORY AND I IMAGINE YOU CAN FILL IN THE BLANKS. I HONESTLY THOUGHT I WAS GAINING A DAUGHTER AND WOULD LOVE TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SPOIL HER. I HAVE BEEN SO KIND AND CARING TO HER BUT FEEL NOW THAT IT WAS JUST AN ACT TILL SHE GOT HER MAN. SHE BOUGHT HIM A DOG WHOM HE ADORES, BUT NOW IS MAKING THE EXCUSE THAT THE DOG IS AGRESSIVE AND WILL BE PUT TO SLEEP SO’S SHE CAN BE WITH HIM ALL THE TIME. A BEAUTIFUL DOG WHO IS CLEVER AND INTELLIGENT AND DOE NOT HAVE AN AGRESSIVE BONE IN HER LITTLE BODY. OH PLEASE HELP ME TO COPE WITH THIS HEARTBREAK. MY HEALTH IS SUFFERING – I HAD A BREAKDOWN WHEN MY MOTHER WAS ‘DOING HER WORST’ AND NEED TO FIND A COPING MECHANISM TO AVOID A DEEPER PARTING FROM THE SON I LOVE SO DEARLY. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. N.
Answer: Dear N.: I feel that your question needs more input than a single answer. I have created a Web-forum for that purpose. Please come over to: www.WiseWomenUnite.com where you will be able to dialogue with others as well as with me. You will be heard and the understanding and support you find there may help you move toward healing. I look forward to sharing with you further. Blessings, Luise